One of my former schoolmates, a Christian, has been approaching Buddhist students in an effort to convert them to Christians. I am not close to him, but I know that he has managed to persuade a few to convert to Christianity in my secondary school.It was 12 February 2005. He approached me during recess, asking whether I believed in Jesus, I replied him, "Why do you ask?" He said, "Jesus died to save you." As the conversation continued, he asked me to join one of his church's events. I accepted the invitation, on a condition that he must attend one of the dharma talks organised by my temple. Then we sealed the deal, we would attend each other's event to "share" our religions.
My event was earlier than his. During the dharma talk at my temple, I was expecting him to show up, but he didn't. He texted that he was too busy, so I told him when the next dharma talk would be held. He never showed up for the next 2 talks, so my suspicion began to grow. At school, I reminded him about our deal. He said he was busy with his school work, but according to his classmates, he does not hand in assignments on time. As time flew by, he approached me several times, asking me reasons I find Buddhism interesting, while promoting his religion to me.
I confronted him that he was imposing, not sharing his religion. He did not keep his end of the bargain, and that was the last time I spoke to him. Since I've come to NUS, I've met another person in another faculty who's exactly like him. As that ugly episode comes back to haunt me, sometimes I wonder, how could I have handled that better?
$W?h0w$
(I do not mean to offend any religion with this blog post. I am not an anti-Christian, but I am against those who impose their own religion towards other people. I believe everyone has the right to choose their own religion, and no one has the right to convert others to other religions, unless that choice is made voluntarily.)
(I do not mean to offend any religion with this blog post. I am not an anti-Christian, but I am against those who impose their own religion towards other people. I believe everyone has the right to choose their own religion, and no one has the right to convert others to other religions, unless that choice is made voluntarily.)
As a strong Buddhist myself, I had a lot of experience of people trying to impose another religion on me. So I do understand you fully. In my opinion, religion is a very sensitive issue. It's better not to confront any person. You could simply tell him/her "I don't think I want to discuss about religion with my friend" or "Sorry, I am a devout Buddhist." They would probably get the message that you are not interested. That what I normally do when a person try to impose their religion on me. Hope you solve the conflict with your friend soon.
ReplyDeleteI am fully agree with you! In my opinion, everyone has ones' own way of thinking and has ones' own belief. We may share them with others, but never try to let others believe the same thing as you do ( in terms of religions).
ReplyDeleteI agree with Billet that you could make a stand that "I don't think it is appropriate to discuss religions with you, because ultimately it is a personal issue."
ReplyDeleteAlso, it seems that a possible way out is to limit future communications if he does not show respect for individuals' choices. We really need to choose our friends carefully. Anyway, life is all about choices.
Hi Whyhow,
ReplyDeleteIt was an interesting post. Firstly I would talk about technical stuffs. The post does not follow the art of 7Cs completely. There are 2 spelling mistakes (must be typo) as “It” in 1st word of 2nd para and “on my hand phone” ( 2nd line 3rd para). Some specific sentences can be rearranged as in 1st para, “He has continued this since secondary school”, “ and many are close friends of mine” and “ what I am against is the action of people trying to impose their religion on others(main clause was not with subordinate clause)”. Thus element of correctness is missing.
Also when you talk about irony(3rd para) the element of 7Cs courteousness is also missing as it is not sure whether he used to impose religion out of his own will, or claiming to be god’s work or something else. At last you again mentioned note of not offending religion. It is good but is against coherence style of 7Cs , as you have already put it in beginning of your post.
Apart from this, there is conciseness and clearness of ideas. The post elaborates the topic well with each required elements. I am sure the post could be minimized with less use of words somewhere. According to me, as Billto commented, I could simply answer him to knock this topic off and show signs of disinterest in this topic. At the same time, be kind and gentle to advice him that “All religions are same” and “one must take positive points from all of them to make life better with values and considerate character and even worthwhile”.
I hope you do solve the situation appropriately if you encounter another such situations. The mistakes I pointed were totally on my analysis. Feel free to discuss them and discard them if they are wrong.
Thanks a lot for sharing such a real life experience.
Shivam.
Hi Wyhow,
ReplyDeleteFrom your account of the whole incident, it is very apparent that you have utmost respect for all religions; don't worry about coming across as anti-Christian. You didn't.
What you did show, however, was a good example of bad social behavior. Sadly, not all Christians represent the faith well, regardless of how devout they may claim to be.
I can fully understand how you feel regarding this particular individual (and his clone, in NUS). There seems to be a fair bit of dishonesty in his dealings -not keeping to his end of the bargain, and repeatedly missing your dharma talks, supposedly due to schoolwork (but alright, let's not judge here).
For Christians, their faith and acknowledgment of Christ as their saviour is the cleansing of their sins and the way to eternal life. Hence spreading this Good News to those they love and treasure in their lives, is to bless them, and lead them to find this same joyous relationship with God.
As is the case in any religion, there are good and bad representatives of the faith. So don't feel offended or imposed upon by such 'advances' as you've experienced above; just bear in mind that the dude probably needs a good does of EQ and some serious ES2007S help.
And since the whole issue is with the way in which he was trying to 'impose' his religion on you, not the religion itself, then quite frankly I think you handled the issue pretty well. By telling him straight out that you felt he was imposing, and in no way sharing his religion. Now to think of a way to gently direct him to seek help in improving his interpersonal communication skils...
Hi Wyhow,
ReplyDeleteReligion to many is a sensitive issue. As in your case, your friend has been over persistent in his pursuit of converting you into a Christian.
Putting myself in your shoes, I would feel equally irritated. Afterall we have our own set of beliefs. In wanting to convert you into a Christian, he should have at least turned up at your temple. As seen sadly, he lacked the sincerity.
The way you reacted was perhaps on impulse, having to deal with his over persistence. I could relate to your sudden need to confront him.
Taking a step back, why not allow yourself to attend a church service? Rejecting him thereafter could probably be easier since you have already seen the "Christian perspectives".
Cheers!
Hi Billto,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment! I've told him before that I was a Buddhist, but he kept approaching me. (I would have been tremendously happier if he was a girl asking me out on a date) I don't think this person can be considered a friend, as a true friend would understand and accept another friend for who he or she is:)
Hi LuLu,
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading my post:) Cheers!
Hi Xi Xi,
ReplyDeleteThat was actually the last time I spoke to him. I've been very careful when choosing friends now:)
Hi Shivam,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments, and highlighting my errors:) Back in my pre-university days, one of my closest friends was approached by a person similar to my former schoolmate. When asked why she wasn't interested in Christianity, I did not expect her reply to be "I'm a Muslim."
Hi Yuen May,
ReplyDeleteThat guy seriously needs to take every communication module in NUS:)
Hi Alvin,
ReplyDeleteI've attended church service multiple times, even attended services in mosques. (Back then, I was quite curious about other religions. Unfortunately, there weren't many oppotunities in Malaysia for inter-religious studies.) I didn't want to compare religions and use them as weapons in an argument. My intention was to learn what the other religions are about, not to convert into another.
Hi Wyhow,
ReplyDeleteA very interesting post I must say. From personal experience, I've know many others who've embraced this openly and converted and some who stood firm. The best thing to do, I'd think would be to be as honest as possible on the first encounter. In your case, you were open to the concept of sharing religions whilst he didn't share the same view. I certainly feel you couldn't have done any better. If he doesn't keep to his end of the bargain then all trust is lost and the only way is down. The only way you may have dealt it better with was the mode of confrontation. I'm not exactly sure how you reacted here. If it was a heated exchange then yes, you might have probably been better off explaining your feelings in a clear and patient manner. If he still refused to see from your POV, then avoiding him would be the best solution. I also feel you could bring up this incident in the future to similar characters who try to impose their religion on you, like your friend at NUS now. Just so as not to give any false hope to that person that you would be readily and easily coaxed.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Wyhow,
ReplyDeleteA very interesting read. The religion issue really is a very sensitive one analogous to battling through a minefield. Some stand firm to their beliefs while the rest embrace them readily and convert. In your case I doubt there's no better way that you could have handled it other than the mode of confrontation.
For a start, you were very open to sharing your religion with him when clearly he wasn't ready to, which is definitely the best approach. After finding out he wasn't keeping to the end of the deal you mention about a confrontation. I'm not exactly sure how you reacted there but taking him aside and patiently narrating your feelings to him would be definitely better than one of an imposing manner. An eye to an eye only makes both go blind. And you could also relate this incident to other potentially similar cases like your friend in NUS now. Just to give him a idea that yes you're open but will not be taken for a ride. That's all I've got. Hope you got through Terrible Thursday somehow ha!
Hi Wyhow,
ReplyDeleteThis is another typical story of over-zealous individuals sharing their faith/religion. The situation must be often handled with sensitivity.
In this case, I would look at it as breach of trust, a breaking of an agreement. Not looking at the issue of religion, I personally feel that once a promise is made, both parties should fulfill his/her part. It is alright if he miss the first talk, since he did inform you (hopefully before the date and not after), but he should still try to arrange for another time. In resolving this situation, confrontation would be a better solution to communicate across.
With regards to the religion issue, I feel that effective communication should be a part of it too, to understand the opposite's personal space, which sad to say, over-zealous individuals tend to step over this boundaries. Even as a Christian myself (not taking any sides regarding religion), I feel that freedom of choice should be given, and not being pressured into converting into any religion.
There are a few language errors that I noticed that I think you might have overlooked.
2nd paragraph >> "It was 12 February 2005." I think you could have re-phrased it "On 12 February 2005, ....."
3rd paragraph >> "My event was earlier than his. During the dharma talk at my temple, I was expecting him to show up, but he didn't." It could have been "Since the dharma talk at my temple was earlier than his church's event....".
I feel that you tend to like to write in short sentences, which sometime lead to improper sentence structure. Maybe you can take note of it. Let's all learn together.
Thanks, Wyhow, for sharing this experience with us. As several of your other readers mention, religion is a sensitive issue. But in my estimation, your description of your immediate reaction to the invitation put forth by the schoolmate and the subsequent events is vivid while concise, and most importantly, well balanced and objective. No one could take offense at this telling, I hope.
ReplyDeleteYou also handled the start of this episode very maturely. What better way to respond to your schoolmate's invitation than by inviting him to the temple? That he eventually ignored your invitation is the problem, and that he and you never met again is not surprising.
So in short, this dilemma is really not a dilemma at all since neither of you had invested of yourselves emotionally in the situation. If you had wanted to present this scenario in a manner that put more weight on the shoulders of your readers, you could have presented it up to the point where you actually invite your classmate to the temple, then asked, what to do in such a situation.
In any case, you've generated lots of feedback. Very good effort.
Hi Wyhow,
ReplyDeleteIf a person really thinks that the religion he believes is fantastic and would like to introduce it to others, the best way is to introduce by actions, not by words.
For example, if a person firmly believes in Christianity and really follows what Jesus said in the bible and apply to his real life , show Jusus’ love and kindness to the surrounding people through himself, the people around him will actually get touched sooner or later. If you set a good example for the others, others will try to follow what you do and you actually don’t need to persuade them. So really, actions speak louder than words!
Hi Nanhai,
ReplyDeleteTo introduce religion to a child, I would suggest allowing the child to be exposed to other religions, including his/her parents'. When the child reaches say, the age of 18, he/she can make the choice of his/her own. This is a more balanced approach, as he/she would know what he/she wants. Unfortunately, very few parents do this.
Wyhow